You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
