im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
