girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize