Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
