What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
