The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
