I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
