i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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