I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
