Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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