all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
