And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
