The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have fence marks all over my body
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize