I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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