Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
