so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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