Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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