i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
