$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
