i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I deserve this hangover.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
