he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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