If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize