Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
