no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
