So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
