me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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