Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
