420 ftw
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
