I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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