the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
