I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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