like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
