Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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