can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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