as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
