wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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