He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
