Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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