I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
