my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
