Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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