Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
is it fun? or sober?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
