Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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