Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
