you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
