theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize