why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
