OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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