I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
