I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
