oh god the rape fog is back!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think pants incapable of making pants work
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
