His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
