Banned from zoo.
Again?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize