My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
