is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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