I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
