I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize