Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
