He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
