im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
