You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
