when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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