I heard we made out
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
