I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
