i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
