girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
