i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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