Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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