I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
