You're my little dorito
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
