Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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