So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
