i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
