K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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