CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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