We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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