dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
