the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
