hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
