Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize