where am i from again
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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