I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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