It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hippo gnu deer
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's never too late to be topless.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
