He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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