the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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