tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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