Already got asked if we're dating
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize