if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
