So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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