Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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