I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize