take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
