I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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