My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
