idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
