real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You have to summon your inner elephant
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
