We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
