wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize