Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he was CRYING into my vagina
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
